The Fun, Stress-Free Guide to Potty Training

By Marina Rahamim, 29 Oct 2024

Potty training can feel like a daunting challenge for both children and parents, but good news…. it doesn’t have to be this way. Like any big change, whether it’s moving from a cot to a bed, starting solid foods or transitioning from nappies to underwear, with the right mindset, it can actually be a fun and positive experience for the whole family (with the odd poo on the floor added for good measure).

Arguably, how we talk about and frame potty training is far more important than which method to follow (although a flexible, positive approach will likely prove most effective). Studies like Taubman B, Blum NJ & Nemeth N. (2003) highlight that negative language around toileting, using words like "stinky", for example, can make children feel ashamed and slow progress. Using positive language and normalizing the behaviour, like casually chatting in the bathroom while a parent uses the toilet, can boost your child’s confidence and make toilet training a smoother, more enjoyable experience for the whole family. In this blog, we’ll walk through four stages of potty training, filled with tips and fun activities designed to make each step a little easier (and, dare I say it, a lot more enjoyable).

Notes Before You Start:

Let them choose their underwear: With so many fun patterns available, this is a simple trick to help your child feel more in control and invested in the process. If the choice is overwhelming, choose a theme they are into or a colour they love – it really makes such a difference.

Timing Matters: Big family events or travel can cause setbacks and add stress to the process so my advice is, if possible, look to potty train when you have a few quiet weeks ahead. Potty training with my first child was going so well, until I put them back in a nappy once again for a long flight, which took us all the way back to Step 1.

Stage 1: Activities to Get Them To Tell You When They Need to Go

Self -Regulation:  Children struggle to identify when they need to go to the toilet and this is normal. Look for signs like restlessness, agitation, or frustration—often a signal that they need to go but they haven’t connected the feeling yet. Setting up physical activities, such as a timed pillow fight (where the adult holds the pillow out in front of them while the child tries to hit the pillow with another pillow) or kicking a ball can help bring awareness to these bodily urges without them resorting to unwanted physical behaviour such as pushing a sibling (which is often the final straw in them figuring out that they do in fact need the toilet!). Items like a bop bag can be helpful tools as they help bring awareness of the feelings to the body and help children manage their feelings. Gentle cues are helpful – you will find at first that they refuse but a few minutes later they come to their own conclusion that they do in fact need it.

‘Dolly Needs a Wee’: Inspired by Azrin & Fox’s 1974 method, ‘toilet training in less than a day’, this activity involves getting dolly to sit on the potty alongside your child. By explaining the process through the use of the doll, this encourages your child to learn through play, making it fun and pressure free. Your child can then teach dolly to use the potty which will empower them. Keep fun potty books and stickers nearby for encouragement and rewards.

Stage 2: Getting to the Potty:

Race to the potty: Create a fun game with your child by turning the trip into a race. A bit of friendly banter with your child adds excitement and keeps it light because sometimes it can feel a real chore trying to get them there.

Create a Potty Song: In the ‘Hey Duggy’ potty book, Duggly sings a song about the potty which gave me inspiration… You and your child could make up a silly song together to signal that it’s time for the potty. Having your own little ‘language’ between you both will strengthen your bond while making you laugh. It also takes away the burden of asking them if they want to pee every five minutes, which can feel irritating and exhausting, not only for us, but your child too! If you’re not feeling particularly creative, you could change the words to a familiar tune like “Twinkle Twinkle” to make it playful or even just sing whatever song they love whilst they sit on the potty. This can ease any anxiety about using the potty and make the process fun. It can also help your child adapt to different settings such as going to the toilet at nursery away from a parent which may feel scary for them. Singing really does help create a relaxing environment, and you’ve helped facilitate the transition for your child as well.

Stage 3: Activities Whilst on the Potty:

Ready Steady Aim: A fun idea I heard recently that I thought might encourage children out of nappies is to pop a cheerio in the potty or toilet and use it as a target for them to do their business on - (thank you to MC Fearon for that exciting and outside the box thinking on how to bring the fun into the everyday!) I also think this is a genius game for older children, particularly boys who struggle to aim while peeing into the toilet.

Fart putty: This is a personal favourite of mine, it makes the most disgusting noises when you put your fingers inside it and is excellent for both clean sensory play and encouraging new descriptive language like ‘squelchy’. This is a fun thing to do while on the potty, guarantees plenty of laughs and can trigger the bodily urges and can encourage children to want to replicate the noises they hear in the putty.

Special quiet time: If your home is busy and chaotic, one of the special things about potty training is that it can enforce a special quality time between parent/caregiver and child. Finding time which isn’t bedtime to sit down and read a book together can be such a fantastic moment for the child. Another bonding experience is for the parent or caregiver to massage the child’s back while they sit on the potty which stimulates the urge to urinate (if they want it, that is. Some children after a while prefer privacy so best to check in to allow them to feel in control). Often, just offering support if they need it through physical touch is really comforting; it isn’t different for us adults…who doesn’t like a back scratch, right?! You could also make this fun by pretending to make a recipe on the child’s back – Get them to choose what they would like for example, cookies or pizza and ‘roll out the dough’ and use gentle circular motions to ‘stir in the chocolate chips’ adding fun creative touch.

Normalising the feelings: Toilets can often be a bit of a mysterious place and can lead children of all ages to be intrigued (anyone else with babies find that they always, without a doubt, make a beeline for the toilet?) That said if you find that your toilet is a bit dark and might be a bit intimidating to children, get out the torches and play around with the shadows in the room to create shadow puppets or regular puppet shows while on the toilet. This is such a great bonding experience between adult and child and can also help the child to voice feelings the potty- training experience might be giving them through the medium of puppets (allowing them to distance themselves from it).

Stage 4: Post Potty fun

Science Experiments (3+): The kids will love this one but this is only to be done with an adult present and after the child has a clear understanding of what the toilet is used for (so they don't get confused and want to play with the potty/toilet when you're not around!) I’m sure you can use normal food colour but I can’t recommend in case you stain your toilet!, so if, like us, you don’t want to take the risk, you can add fragrance-free Shaker Bath Dropz (or any other similar item) to their wees after they successfully manage to do one in the potty, making a game out of them picking the colour and letting them drop it in. If you are feeling adventurous, you could even try mixing colours together, which is also educational; aiding their learning and making it fun, what’s not to like! I would ensure to impose strict rules around this, for example once colour is achieved, it must be disposed and of course hands washed afterwards. This could be a fun way to encourage older children to try going to the toilet as well.

Flush Fear: Many kids struggle with that scary flushing sound, so how do you combat that? Ideas that have worked for me are using plastic free glitter in the toilet during flushing (with the Bath Dropz and Eco-Glitter ideas, you all must think my bathroom looks like an Art Attack episode!) or playing a song while flushing. Also getting the child to overcome their fear by pressing the button themselves can usually help. Many potty -training books have a flush sound which can prepare them for the noise to help them gain control.

Washing Hands: A nice reward afterwards to emphasise the process of keeping clean is waterplay. Those sustainable sinks are really great at allowing the water play to develop while limiting the amount of water they can use. Equally you don’t need to invest in a new gadget, wash hands with your child, singing a song and creating bubbles in your hand with the soap creates positive experiences and encourages them to want to do it again next time.

Remember that the toileting journey is not always linear. Don’t be surprised if at some point after being dry, they ‘regress’ or take a few steps back, and may even want to wear nappies again. Often this can be triggered by a change in their routine or a big life event such as a new sibling or maybe just understanding their position in the family – the inner conflict of are they the baby or the ‘big’ child. No matter the reason, if it does happen, it may require speaking to the nursery, to find ways that best support them through it. Don’t be disheartened; it will pass, and with your support, they will regain the self -esteem and resilience to get through it, and you can always revisit these activities to help them restore their confidence once again.

For more specific tips or personalised support, feel free to reach out. Happy potty training!

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Marina Rahamim is a qualified child therapist. Over her career, she has worked with children who have experienced different challenges from bullying and low self-esteem to divorce and domestic violence and abuse. Furthermore, she has supported a Local Authority Children’s Centre, leveraging her understanding of the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) developed through her NCFE Cache Level 3 Diploma for the Early Years Workforce (Early Years Educator). However it was Marina’s work at a leading charity, Norwood, that sparked her true passion for working with children and learning about child development, where she organised and ran activities for young people aged between 5 and 25 years old who had special educational needs over a 5 year period. Now a mother to 3 young children and a fellow parent at La Petite Nursery, Marina has used her extensive training and work in the field of childcare and psychology to follow her own passions and hobbies, including coming up with enjoyable strategies to help manage behaviour and being an enthusiastic baby signer. Marina graduated with a Master’s in Play Therapy from the University of Roehampton in 2017 (accredited under BAPT).