By Marina Rahamim, 16 September, 2024.
September is here again (already!?) and with it, the start of a new academic year (finally!?). If you are like me, this is a time of mixed emotions. On one hand, I’m a little sad to say goodbye to my babies after a summer of freedom and fun. We were just getting used to the lack of routine and all that precious time together. On the other hand, there's a wave of relief knowing we can all get back to "real life"—our children can return to their routines, socialize with their friends, and enjoy their independence. And we, the adults, can do the same!
But let's be real, for those of us with children starting nursery or school for the first time, this time of year can stir up a whole new set of emotions. As the first day approaches, doubts may start creeping in: “Is it too soon?” “Is this the right place?” You might find yourself feeling like you just need a bit more time together—whether it's your first child or your third, there’s always that bittersweet tug at the heartstrings. I still remember talking to my friend Lia right before my firstborn started nursery. I was pregnant with my second child, feeling the uncertainty of lockdown, and dealing with both the fear of separation and the guilt of craving my own independence. Lia gave me advice that stuck with me: “Think about the reunion at pick-up, the excitement, the way he’ll run into your arms. Think about how proud he will feel as he gains independence, makes new friends, and builds confidence.” She reminded me that motherhood is about letting go, allowing our children to explore new opportunities.
Whether your child is starting nursery, primary school, or even heading off to university, those first drop-offs can be emotional (and I’m not even talking about the kids!) Every new school year, I find myself having a good cry in the car after that first drop-off. Sometimes, you leave behind a tearful child and it breaks your heart (even if we know once we leave, they’re happily distracted by new toys or a friendly teacher). Other times, your child walks into their new setting with barely a backward glance, which is a whole other kind of emotional rollercoaster!
With all these emotions swirling, I wanted to share some new school year tips, that hopefully help create a smooth, more enjoyable settling-in experience.
Preparation at Home. A little preparation can make all the difference. For example, practice the journey to nursery together on the weekend—walk, drive, or take the bus, making it a fun adventure without the pressure of the work week. A calendar countdown with their favourite characters can be a great visual tool to help them understand when the big day is coming, e.g. ‘3 more sleeps until you play with new friends and new toys’. Talk to them about what a typical day might look like and even mention names of their new friends in the class. Even if they’re too young to fully understand, the repetition of calm, reassuring words with picture cards can help. Share photos of their new teacher or classroom, and read books about starting nursery to help them relate. And don’t worry if your first week goes well and then falls apart on Monday morning—the break of the weekend can rattle them! It’s all part of the process of realising their new routine and in time it will get easier. Sunday night’s story time and reminders are a great help even a month or so into settling in.
Mark the Moment. For children at any age, marking the occasion with something special can help build excitement. It could be a new backpack, a shiny pair of shoes, or even a fun hair clip, keyring or small figurine. These little items help turn the experience into an adventure, giving them a sense of ownership and control over the moment. Let them label their clothes with you or pack their spare clothes bag—it can be a surprisingly empowering experience for them.
Create Goodbye Rituals. Transitions can be tough, so having a goodbye ritual can help. If your child is going from spending time with you, you could create a regular activity you both love to do together before the start of each week—maybe it's a walk to the park for a babyccino or sitting down to a puzzle - whatever it is, it’s just special for you both and marks the end of a busy week. If your child is moving to a new setting, find creative ways to say goodbye - it could be blowing bubbles in the park and getting them to wave goodbye as they drift away, releasing flower petals on a breezy hilltop, or planting seeds together in a pot, symbolizing growth and new beginnings. Whatever it is, let it be something special that brings comfort, closure and aids the bonding between you. You can also implement this across life – whether a bereavement or a relocation – it can be a helpful, child-friendly way to process endings.
Keep Communication Open. Everyone processes change differently. When my daughter started nursery, she couldn’t eat there for the first week, while another one of my children was awake between 2am and 5am for the first 8 weeks. In these moments, communication with the nursery staff is crucial. When my daughter's teacher noticed she wasn’t eating, I suggested singing her favourite songs during lunchtime. The next day they sang, and she ate! Teachers have lots of tricks, but they need your partnership in order to help your child settle in because you are the expert on your child (and they haven’t gotten to know them yet properly). Remember, if sleep patterns or behaviour changes, it’s just a phase—they’re adjusting to the big change, and with time and your consistent support, it will pass.
Be Flexible. It's tempting to fill your new child-free hours with meetings or errands, but it's important to leave some room for flexibility. The first week or two might only involve a few hours at nursery each day while your child adjusts, so don’t get caught off guard. There’s nothing more frustrating than getting a call to come and collect your child just as you’ve arrived across town. Make sure you all have a plan in place that allows for a gradual transition, helping to ease back-to- school anxiety ensuring both you and your child are ready to embrace the new school year with confidence.
Choosing the Right Nursery or School. Finding the right setting for your child can feel like a minefield. There are so many opinions out there—friends, family, and online forums all have something to say. Remember, every family has different priorities—whether it’s a nursery's ethos, location, hours, special educational needs, or even the school’s future pathways. Trust your instincts and remember, the confidence you feel in your choice will be felt by your child too. London is filled with so many amazing nurseries and schools; just know that what is best for someone else isn’t necessarily best for your child…only you truly know what is.
Lastly, if you have any settling-in tips or activities you’ve found helpful, please share them in the comments section below! We would LOVE to hear from you. Wishing you all a smooth transition.
Marina Rahamim is a qualified child therapist. Over her career, she has worked with children who have experienced different challenges from bullying and low self-esteem to divorce and domestic violence and abuse. Furthermore, she has supported a Local Authority Children’s Centre, leveraging her understanding of the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) developed through her NCFE Cache Level 3 Diploma for the Early Years Workforce (Early Years Educator). However it was Marina’s work at a leading charity, Norwood, that sparked her true passion for working with children and learning about child development, where she organised and ran activities for young people aged between 5 and 25 years old who had special educational needs over a 5 year period. Now a mother to 3 young children and a fellow parent at La Petite Nursery, Marina has used her extensive training and work in the field of childcare and psychology to follow her own passions and hobbies, including coming up with enjoyable strategies to help manage behaviour and being an enthusiastic baby signer. Marina graduated with a Master’s in Play Therapy from the University of Roehampton in 2017 (accredited under BAPT).
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